Barbie and Breakdowns
I’m not sure if you know, but I fractured my elbow in February. I was taking the garbage can out to the street, and swoop! I slipped on some fresh, slushy snow, landing on my elbow and back. The orthopedic doctor said that I had some fluid around my elbow and a sail-sign fracture. A simple hairline crack able to heal itself in about a month. If I don’t have full range of motion by then, reschedule.
Unfortunately, I still have what we’ve dubbed a Barbie arm. I’m able to bend it towards myself, however, I’m not able to fully extend it straight. It feels like I just need to pop it out. I saw the doctor yesterday, and he ordered an MRI for a more detailed image. He said a couple things could happen; physical therapy could help me stretch out the pop. It could stay like this forever. Or the membrane, “blah de da blah, meh, ha, la blah, blah dah.”
I’m sorry, what?
FOREVER is all I heard.
I’m not sure what he said after that other than to call to reschedule once the MRI was also scheduled.
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In other news, a couple of weeks ago, someone from St. Luke’s contacted Troy about sending his tumor off for research.
“Can I keep some?” was Troy’s first question. (obviously)
After many emails, a phone call going over all the security details, and a signed seven-page release, his golf-ball-sized tumor will be used for cancer research and treatment, helping to ensure that others can live the full lives they deserve.
Once the t’s were crossed and the i’s were dotted, I contacted the histology department to pick up the microscope slide of his tumor cells. Since I already had my elbow appointment, I thought I would pop on over to the hospital lab and grab it.
I was signing the release form, and the lab tech mentioned how cool it looked under the microscope. I said, “I bet!” and left. When I got to my car, I started the engine to warm it up and decided to take a peek.
That’s it?
This is what’s causing so much havoc?
A visual representation of healthy cells, now twisted and multiplying, and for what? And why?
I know what a cell on a slide is and what it looks like, but something in me was triggered. I was face to face with smug, tiny invaders stealing life from the inside out. A pink and purple alien enemy causing incredible trauma, altering our life and plans, breaking the love of my life, and on and on.
The emotional weight was crushing.
But making dinner beckons me back home. I drove during peak traffic, hoping no one would see me ugly cry the whole way home.
I know it’ll get better, and we’ve gotten through his first week of radiation with no alarming side effects, but like I said last week, we’ve had good days and bad days.
Now, we can add Barbie days and broken days.
It’s fine, I’m fine, everything is fine.